I don’t know. I’m feeling some conscience pangs today at my decision to go so public with all of this. Let me just explain what’s going on.
Something happened today that forced me to look at this whole situation from another perspective: his. Here I am, as a private individual, finding it therapeutic to be open about my situation and my feelings, but am I taking his situation and feelings sufficiently into account? Possibly not.
I couldn’t actually have foretold that his attitude would be to say nothing publicly for the time being, but I’m beginning to understand it. I can’t decide whether this is a good thing or not. His internet presence is much more closely tied in with his professional base than with his private life, whereas I divide my public and private personae between different areas, with most people only having ready access to the one OR the other.
I posted a picture of him on Flickr with a quotation from a sad, wistful poem about mourning that I thought aptly matched the sadness of the current situation – it’s been a favourite of mine for years, and it was an obvious choice under the circumstances. At the same time, I thought that since it was quite an intimate item, I’d allow it to be viewed by my Flickr friends only, and not just by any contacts, let alone the world at large. I did it again as a therapeutic measure for me, a chance to get some feelings out in the open as well as a chance to post a lovely picture of him taken a few weeks ago.
As the day wore on, I got a couple of comments on the picture. People not knowing quite what to say, but deciding (wisely) to comment on it as a photograph, no more, no less. It became quite clear to me that they felt a bit awkward at being confronted with the item as it was, and it got me thinking, too. I have removed the quotation in the meantime, simply because it was making ME feel uncomfortable. Here’s what it was, though (as I feel justified in putting it on my own private webspace):
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. (W. H. Auden)
I’ve also received an e-mail from a friend including some good arguments why “he” (I don’t plan to use the quotation marks in general, I’m just trying to distinguish between the e-mail friend and the ex) wouldn’t or shouldn’t necessarily go public with an announcement. I still feel it’s necessary and justified, but my friend’s comments enabled me to see it more from another perspective.
Anyway, it’s late now. Just wondering if any of you have thoughts on this. I know there are people out there who are much more experienced bloggers than I am, and who maybe know more about the ethics…