Category Archives: Humour

Proposed cuts to the National Health Service

This is not my text – it was sent to me by a friend and I do not know who the original author was. Parts of it are quite clever, I thought…

 

The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron’s Health Care Proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it,  but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the  Paediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The ENT specialists didn’t swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it.

The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow,  and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the  matter….”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say “No!”

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the Arseholes in London.

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Filed under Humour

Illiterature

Illiterature_bearbeitet-1Love it or (more often) hate it, poorly formulated and mindnumbingly trivial quizzes are an everyday feature of the Facebook world. This particular description of someone’s quiz result, I think, really takes the biscuit.

I just love the way it on the one hand purports to shed light on literary talent while suggesting that attention to grammatical correctness is as socially acceptable as B.O. Plus who the Dickenson is that author it mentions?

Whoever came up with this should be the very last person to be laughing about it, wright?

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Filed under Books & reading, Humour

From the pens of students

Students are full of lovely surprises with their interpretations of British culture. Here is a compilation of some of the choicest recent offerings (obviously without attribution, and condensed in a few places).

On British opposition to the idea of a channel tunnel:

“It would be an opportunity for ‘strange creatures’ to enter Britain.”

On political affiliation:

“The Labour Party is not particularly Communist-orientated these days.”

“The Tories get their votes from people who have an interest in the consistency of the actual order of things.”

On the changing profile of the Welsh language:

“Until the 1960s Welsh was only spoken by older people because it had been forbidden to speak.”

On Cornish pasties (as a possible early form of crossover cuisine?):

“[...] the calzone-like wraps that were eaten in the North by the miners”.

On the red rose as the symbol of Labour:

“Be careful: roses have crumbs and can hurt you (make sure you wear thick gloves if you are fuzzy).”

I do love this job…

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Filed under Humour, Intercultural & interlinguistic, Work stuff