I was saying in my last post how much things had changed. Well, they have changed some more.
Lots of people have become important to me over the last couple of months. One of them has become extra special in the last few weeks. It started off as the renewing of a previous acquaintance, catching up on what had been going on. I can’t even begin to count the hours of talking that have ensued, but it has been a constant revelation of so many shared values, priorities and interests, with so much mutual respect and affection shared with a wonderful person. I was surprised at first to find myself opening up in this way, but it certainly has felt like movement in the right direction.
That feels like enough to say for now. I wanted to say something about it, but not so much that it might seem incautious or compromising. Suffice it to say that I am feeling very happy, optimistic, centred and appreciated. And I have a fantastic bunch of flowers on my dining table.
But no, it’s not the French guy from a couple of posts back ;-)
I was talking to someone the other day about how much my attitude to life had changed over the last couple of weeks. She wanted a detailed description and I suddenly found myself launching into a flurry of landscape imagery.
Before, life seemed like a badly maintained road through a rather arid area. The road itself was relatively straight and I don’t remember it forking at any point, but I could never see where it went as it just stretched off over the horizon, and even after covering some distance, everything looked the same. On the other hand, there was certainly no reason to stray off this road, as the terrain around was unremarkable, uninviting and indeed probably dangerous: I might have got lost and died of thirst or been eaten alive…
But now the landscape has changed dramatically and will probably continue to do so. It’s a different world, looking much more three-dimensional, verdant, infinitely varied. There are trees offering shade, and meadows, hills and valleys (some of it looks a bit like Teletubbyland, though I am trying not to let that bother me…), and the landscape is criss-crossed by meandering little paths that seem to intersect in places, making the issue of choosing which way to go so much less threatening. There is even the option of going off the beaten track for a while, as the grassy areas are nice and soft under the feet.
I think the best bit is the little springs and wells that can be found all over the place. Rather than having to carry my own supply of water all the time in an attempt to ward off the constant threat of death by dehydration, I can just stop and drink when I want. And if one spring is temporarily dry, then there’s another one waiting to be discovered close by.
A funny thing happened to me just now. I had to go over to the stationer’s to buy some lead refills for my correcting pencil, and on the way over – it’s all of a 1-minute walk from the office – I got beckoned at by a man. He asked somewhat embarrassedly whether I knew what the parking permit situation was in that area. I said I had no idea, but we carried on talking.
Nice chap, originally from Montpellier but long since in Germany. For some reason he thought I was Swabian, which I guess I should really take as a compliment. Anyway, at the end of the conversation he rather shyly invited me for coffee, and when I said I had to return to work, he asked me for my number. I didn’t actually give it to him, not because he didn’t seem OK but because I’m quite cautious about stuff like that, a carpark is a bit of a weird place for that kind of transaction, plus I am not in a fit state to contemplate anything even vaguely date-like right now.
It was really nice to have someone show some kind of romantic interest, and a wonderful change from the barrage of ego-crushing experiences that has been occupying my thoughts way too much recently.