Sorry I haven’t updated recently. I guess I’ve been doing more living and less navel-gazing, so I hope that’s a good sign.
It’s now precisely six months since the event that prompted me originally to start this blog occurred. Not that I am someone who puts such black days in their diary and dwells on them, or not any longer at least, but the fact that I have been going through exactly the same pre-semester routine in the last few days as I was back then has meant that it has been only natural to think back and compare then and now, and it happens that this routine marks exactly the six-month point.
Almost everything has been different this time round, but I shan’t bore people with an exhaustive comparative survey; rather, I’ll just pick out the most salient points of the changes that have occurred over the whole period.
Back then, I was scared that I would lose my point of contact to so many people. However, not only has this not happened (well, apart from one obvious case, which is really not so surprising), but I’ve actually strengthened friendship, contact and understanding with so many of those people. Old friends and members of my extended family have also taken on a new, closer role, and I have loved watching those tried-and-tested links develop further and in new directions. And additionally, what started as the kindness of (almost) strangers has led to a number of other new friendships. It’s taught me finally that people see me (and, it seems, value me) for who I am, and not by association with someone else.
Back then, I had become stuck in a routine that I had nevertheless clung to like dear life, as it seemed to be the only option I had. Change was not something I was prepared to contemplate in many areas of life, and progress was something I had ceased to expect. And dreams? I had virtually erased the word from my vocabulary. Now I’m much more willing to face, initiate and realize all of these. Of course it remains scary – in weak moments I ask why I can’t just sit back and let life happen – but now I can see how my choices, actions and willingness to change my situation in the direction I want are the only way forward, albeit in many cases in combination with the choices, actions and willingness of a second person who has chosen to accompany me on this route.
Now, I’d like to say a huge thank you to all those people who have helped the last six months become better and better for me. I hope the main players know who they are, as I am not going to give an Oscar-type litany here, but every little bit of support, encouragement, friendship and interest shown has helped.
And the future? Well, I am not going to divulge my “best laid plans” here and now, but as regards this blog, I think it’s time it returned to being more of a general repository for “stuff” that I am up to and feel like giving my tuppence worth on…